I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're too hungover to prance.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
