phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
