He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
