I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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