If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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