I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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