Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
