woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Damn victory sex feels great
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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