I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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