That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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