HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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