Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
