...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
