I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I want a musical about memes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
