My Higher Power is John Stamos
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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