Just fell off a train. Bad.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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