I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
