Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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