i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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