You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
