ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
