They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
