Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
