omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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