We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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