Capitaan dildo arrescate!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
