I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
