can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
