No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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