All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize