you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
