i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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