You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
