are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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