He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
last night I used snow as a chaser
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize