Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
