I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
