the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hippo gnu deer
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
