you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
