dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize