she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
