just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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