I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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