How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
