Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pants are for mortals
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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