Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
