Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize