mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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