dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
