I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Found the puke drawer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
