hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
