I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
