Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
