Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
