She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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