If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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