Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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