can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
