I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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