I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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