3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
