just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
