You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
