the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
