she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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