He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
