She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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