my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
