Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize