I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
