I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
