i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
