If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
please come you make the beer taste better
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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