What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
