So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
