This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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