i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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