woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize