Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
