I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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