I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
