My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
