3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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