Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think my moral compass just broke
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
