he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
