like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
