Where did you get a picture of my penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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