He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
