Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
