you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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