he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
