I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
