as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
