he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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