If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
