OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
