Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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