I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
