she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
