Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize