I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
