What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
