This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize