1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
